Below I have detailed a selection of cases I have worked with including examples of patient, partner, family and friends.
Patient and Friends
Friends of Fred and Peggy asked if I could help with Fred’s acute anxiety following his diagnosis of prostrate cancer. He was finding sleeping at night impossible, would toss and turn and pace the floor and keep his wife Peggy awake. During the day he would snooze in his armchair while Peggy got on with her usual housekeeping. She was totally exhausted.
My first suggestion to Fred was that rather than toss and turn, if he couldn’t sleep he could go downstairs and do some quiet housework such as dusting. This would allow Peggy to sleep and also give her less work during the day. This suggestion went down like a lead balloon! Housework was not something that he could contemplate (they were in their 70s and of the generation that the lady of the house did all the household tasks).
Spending time chatting with Fred about what he enjoyed doing and what gave hime pleasure in life, he mentioned that Peggy was a great baker. However, due to the tiredness she had stopped baking and Fred really missed her produce and in his words “Tesco’s cakes aren’t a patch on Peggy’s”. My second suggestion was met with great mirth. Maybe Fred could learn to bake? Almost in unison they both declared that the kitchen was most definitely Peggy’s domain. She told me that she virtually had to hose it down after Fred just made a cup of tea! However, I don’t give up that easily. We talked through a number of approaches and we came up with the idea that, if he could get help from one of their lady friends, Fred could maybe try an evening of baking while Peggy rested. To begin with they both thought that finding an assistant for Fred might be a problem but to their surprise and delight they were deluged with offers from friends. (It’s often the case that after a diagnosis of cancer friends really want to help but don’t know what they can do.)
So one evening Fred, Peggy and their friend had supper together, Peggy went to bed and Fred started in the kitchen. The following morning Peggy awoke to an immaculate kitchen, a batch of fairy cakes and a very proud Fred! This has since turned into a weekly event with friends having to take their turn at the midnight baking sessions.
As so often happens with coaching there is a ripple effect of benefits;
- Peggy gets a good night’s sleep.
- The distric nurses love coming and try to coincide their visits with Fred’s baking!
- Their friends are involved and loving it.
- The local doctor’s surgery staff all now know the couple as Fred takes them in cakes.
- Fred sleeps well and has transformed from being a cancer sufferer to being a septuagenarian Baker.
A few months after our first session Fred celebrated his 78th birthday and made and iced his own birthday cake and their friends all took great pleasure in giving him gifts of shaped baking tins, bakers’ hat and apron and various other implements.
This has definitely been one of my favourite coaching cases!
Patient
Matilda was feeling very low having just received a diagnosis of secondary cancer. She was retired and lived on her own but had very strong support from her family and her church. She had been extremely positive and had fought hard through her first cancer journey and had had a clean bill of health for almost 10 years but now felt that she didn’t have either the energy or motivation to go through it all again.
Together we looked at the areas of her life which she felt discouraged by and we identified one of her biggest fears was of being on her own. During her first diagnosis and treatment she had a pet dog and said that when she was at home she never felt alone. The dog had unfortunately died a couple of years ago and she had not replaced it. Although she dearly missed the company, especially now that she was facing this horrible ordeal, it was unthinkable for her to get another pet at this moment in her life.
Matilda told me that while she had access to the many various pets of her family and friends, nothing compared to the feeling of ‘not being alone’ that having her dog in the house had given her, particularly at night. I suggested she share her concerns with her loved ones which she agreed to do. (Often just talking to friends about your worries and fears can enable them to feel involved and be supportive by allowing you to off-load. This is usually beneficial to both parties.)
The solution which came out of this was that one of Matilda’s nieces was about to start university. This niece had a pet parrot and it was decided that the parrot should move in with Auntie Matilda! The parrot was a very chatty African Grey male who adored company but was very low maintenance. Family and friends were only too happy to volunteer to look after the parrot as and when Matilda was in hospital or didn’t feel well enough, and someone would always come to clean out the cage for her. Within a few weeks of having the parrot Matilda said she felt emotionally much stronger and ready to deal with the ordeal of her treatment regime and she loved the company of her feathered companion. Both she and the parrot had also learned some new vocabulary!
This is an example of the fact that a coach can help you address your fears in a way that family, friends and even your doctors can’t do. As your coach I will help you look for and find what is holding you back or frightening you, and together, we can identify a way forward and open you to a new world of opportunities.
Patient and Family
Rose had fairly advanced lung cancer and had understandably changed from being a bubbly, outgoing grandmother to being withdrawn and she had given up most of the interests she once held dear. The only thing that lit up her day were the regular visits from her children and grandchildren. But even these had their downside as she would try to be bright and cheerful during their visits but would then plummet both mentally and physically after they left. This was difficult for both her and her husband.
Rose and her husband had both previously been avid gardeners but her illness had diminished this. When she talked about the things they had grown in their garden she became very animated but also very sad because she was physically unable to do these things now. Similarly when she talked about her family you could hear the warm pride and happiness in her voice that her lovely supportive children gave her. Her son was also passionate about gardening and in particluar growing produce and he regularly brought around fresh vegetables. His 8-year old daughter was also beginning to get the gardening bug and also made her grandmother’s day by sitting talking to her about what should be grown and when.
I spoke with the son and shared some of my observations with him. He in turn spoke with his father and together a lovely plan was hatched. The son and his daughter would make a new vegetable patch at the bottom of the garden where Rose could watch them working from her bedroom (where she increasingly spent most of her time). She and her grandaughter designed the plot and planned the planting schedule and her son did all the heavy work.
It gave her son and grandaughter a reason to visit even more and it gave Rose enormous pleasure watching them. It also gave her something to look forward to as the planting came to fruition.
Partner
Alison’s husband had been diagnosed with melanoma about a year before she sought my help. He had undergone fairly intense treatment which meant a lot of travel to London and during this Alison had coped extremely well. She had given up her part-time job to support her husband and family during the treatment – this was not easy as her 12-year old son had autism and reacted poorly to the tension at home and the difference in routine. She also had an 8-year old daughter. Her husband had been given the all-clear and had returned to work but Alison felt unable to resume her normal life. After talking for a while she told me she felt fat, frumpy and ‘a mess’. During her husband’s treatment she had continued to make sure her husband and the children ate well but she herself had just grabbed food (usually unhealthy) on the run, and since not working, she had got into the habit of pulling on a tracksuit or similar and giving no concern for her appearance. She felt she had really let herself go and subsequently had very low self-esteem. She had no energy or enthusiasm and even simple household tasks took her forever. In this mind-set there was no way she could contemplate going back to work even though her company had said they dearly wanted her to return.
We worked out a plan where I became her accountability buddy. She agreed that every day she would take one hour for herself. During this she would either go out for a walk, read a book or magazine, treat herself to a casual lunch at a lovely local cafe, have a beauty treatment, haircut etc. We worked out that her number one concern was her extra weight. Therefore she would also eat the same healthy food she was making for the family and most importantly would email me every day to tell me what she had eaten and how she had spent her ‘me-time’ hour.
Within a week she reported that she had much more energy, had lost a couple of pounds and was feeling motivated and enthusiastic about her progress. She also said her husband had commented on how much happier she seemed and several friends had noticed both her weight loss and the improvement in her appearance. By week 3 Alison had visited the recruitment office where she worked and had agreed to go back. She had treated herself to some new clothes and a haircut and felt much happier in herself. After just 4 weeks of coaching Alison returned to work and both she and her husband feel she is a new person!
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